NICK POP LIVES in Moody Mansions with his super-muddle wife called Susie Bitch who wears shoes I could never walk in. They are trendier than thou – arty swankers – they breathe rarefied air, thin and heady – stuck up on the hill, where I am never invited.

NICK POP STRIDES his steep street, chunky heels clipping the paving stones, black coat flapping its wings, on his way to somewhere fast, always ignoring me.

If I were an operatic aria I’d lift his lanky body from his Moody rooms, fly him way up high, giddy on my agitata, whisk him in giggling laps around that seaside moon, land him and his little wriggling legs safe on my bulging belly, and – O, the declarations I’d demand, and – O, the saucy ditties he’d surrender – under the threat of certain death by suffocation from my monstrous breasts. His words would go: ”Squeak! Squeak! PROMISCUITY! I like this game, it’s got PROMISE, SKEW and ITTY”.

Tip-toe past his shaggy topiary, pussyfoot his glossy tulips, skulk his twisty path – loiter for a while outside his windows, this is what you’ll see:

NICK POP IN HIS PANTRY.

Buffing his nails, sipping a brew, knitting a golden balaclava.

NICK POP IN HIS ANTECHAMBERS.

Starring in an arthouse movie – it was listed for the Turner Prize – rehearsing the role of a ruined man, fluffing his lines in the dark – oops – sound of a muffled fart.

NICK POP IN HIS PARLOUR.

Grumpy with a grovelling journalist: ”Words endure. Flesh does not”.

NICK POP IN HIS BROODY BOUDOIR.

Hunching over his upright in a storm of scribbled sheets – the ceiling descends, his face turns red – wrestling a reluctant chorus.

Across the grinding party years I mirrored his yearning journey – dissolved under his sedated tongue, towered beside him on stage, clucked in morbid alcoves, blasted desperate fanfares, trembled on his wasted flesh, fell off bar stools, stroked dead hair, pulled sweat blankets closer.

In the Unnatural Mystery Museum, hidden by the bones of the dinosaur, I witnessed the floating of Susie’s feet as he waltzed her around the mosaic floors to meet the approaching night, where they shimmered in the dust of a glamorised light, far away from me.

One special one. There’s always one special one – she’ll dance until he’s written her song.

If I were a PJ Harpy, if I were a Wily Minogue, if I were a Potty Borland, if I were that much in vogue, he’d get down on all fours for me and I’d ride on his back, yelling: ”TALLY-HO!” and ”BAD PIPS!” – spurring him on, all the way.

Tucked in my bra, there’s a rhyme I scrawled on a shopping list, reminding him about me:

I am the hallucinating kitten climbing your red flocked walls

Let me in. There’s a place for me in your velvet smalls

I am the hysteria rising in your empty halls

Let me in. There’s a space for me between your silken balls

God is GRAVY GRANULES

God is in the SOAP

I move with the slowest dirge throbbing in your belly

Let me in. I’ll reveal myself on the screen of your burning telly

God has left the RAZORS

I fished it out and lobbed it in his Moody window, aiming for his red right hand. As he read my words he felt such despair his little finger broke in three places.

NICK POP’S BRAIN caught my drift. I seep from his pores.

If I were an irritating jingle I’d lodge myself in his mountain range of enormous special features. I’d abseil from his receding hairline to the tip of his roaming nose, and with my stinky feet wedged firmly, one up each of his nostrils, I’d perch my pert bum on his wide flapping lips and bounce with his words as they boomed, trying to shoot me down: ”Bang! Bang! PECULIAR! I’ll PECK YOU, pesky LIAR”.

WHAT DOES NICK POP DO with his money?

It flows through his fingers that lifted my lid, only to slam it shut.

WHAT DOES NICK POP DO with his fingers?

Those ten soft digits got caught in the sharpened teeth of Susie’s slitty mouth and her slitty slit. Slit her throat. Slit my wrists. Don’t you want me, baby?

Look out your big window, Nick – I’m the terrible beautiful outsider being raced past your Mansions in an ambulance. I am the emergency and I need intensive care.

Terrible things happen and there is nothing he can do.

WHAT DOES NICK POP DO?

Terrible things happen and he does nothing.

HE TOLLS THE CRAZY BELL.

Nick Pop climbs three hundred steps to the top of his tallest spire and he tolls the crazy bell, for the

dark-eyed – green-eyed – boss-eyed – blue-eyed

long-haired – black-haired

girl

who began in his bed

on scattered blossom

in his arms – in his hand – in his head

only to end

inside – outside

bumped off – stranded

six feet under – on the roof

in the gutter – bucket – open grave

going somewhere – anywhere – nowhere fast

in his gorgeously overgrown garden.

NICK POP WROTE MY SONG. Now he’s manacled to the song. It never rests, it lives and breathes – bold and bristling menace shapes between his lolly legs. Here at Moody Mansions, no-one shuts the front door, it lets in the solid night and Nick Pop howls his guts out.

you ask too much

this woman does not desire your flesh

bastard boy

thrill her with a shiny toy, not one of those purpose-built, she craves surprises under her quilt

do her like you mean it, with things she wasn’t meant for

diamond-crusted cucumber

spine-covered brunt of a boll weevil

airfix model of a spitfire

fossilised snout of a platypus

souvenir eiffel tower

feathered hilt of a cold flamingo

dusty art deco lady lamp

strap-on modernist housing scheme

repro rococo table leg

silver alessi lemon squeezer

pseudo pleaser of the spotted hyena

she craves the alien

space junk thieved from NASA

give her the fist of a cyberman

bring her the dick of a replicant

and tell her dramatic stories

about traumatic insemination

pretend you’re something else

oh yeah?

FANTASTIC

oh yeah?

FANTASTIC

oh yeah?

FANTASTIC

cheers mate

ah mate

ah

eventually a time will come when ornamental skins slime

*

*

colour him green with white dots is a garden – disaster is a long way down

*

he imagined himself & he was SO MANY COLOURS & he was pouring out the window

& he was puddling on the ground

& he loved the feel free falling

& he wore the hairy view

he wore the tits slung sideways, he wore the bragging hole, he loved the dodgy downer, he wore the dangling balls, he loved the real alive, he wore the

DROP

DRASTIC

COMES TRUE

DERMO-STABBER

FORGET-ME-NOTTER

30 FOOT SPLATTER

NOW

clown him acrobatic descent

spread him bubblegum carpet

frazzle him gutter kebab

cosy him comatose pocket

soak him leaking bladder

warm him reeking arse

speed him indecent

teeth will tear him apart

& he bled dogs

& he wished wheelchairs

& he kissed disastrous

his mouth a scrimping lack

i want to stand without him

i want to stand where he fell

i want to stand where armies of me are up-rooting geraniums, plagued by tulip, mad for rose, spliced by his message – planted, watered, bone

*

colour him a bigger NOW

with more captivating & convoluted & charismatic holes – slashed slovenly

his finer fabric peeks through

*

I married the alarming Mick O’LaLa & we rode the desert on his llama

today’s background lacks depth & he took SO MANY COLOURS & the shadow he casts is his pecker

i can see it out the corner of my eye – velvet dense blot, glooming night-time, swelling in his smalls

he said: stop looking for pristine days & get loose, like trapeze woman

i said: i’ve a scar on my left knee, a scar on my right big toe, a scar on my left cheekbone, two on my belly & one inside my belly-button in the shape of the cross

he said: break those bones & see what comes of it

i divided & i separated. my legs came away from my body. i became two blobs of flesh inside my elegant shoes

I married the disarming Mick O’LaLa & he sowed his seeds like a farmer

*

i want to stand where i can comprehend his miscalculated equations

i want his mystery

I WANT ARMIES OF ME

i want to be free where prisons of me do time

i want to feast where sanatoriums of me slowly waste away

i want to dazzle where fireworks of me fizzle in the rain

i want to laze where troupes of me perform the dizzy fandango

i want to sing where swarms of me sting his corpse rot skin

i want to sleep where hordes of me embezzle his safety blankets

i want to party where therapy groups of me bawl my sorry eyes out

i want to scream where waiting rooms of me worry about my meds

i want to spread my legs where nunneries of me count my sins on rosaries, pray for my elastic soul, flagellate my lusting flesh, suffer for my pleasure, fake my mortal measure

I WANT CONGREGATIONS OF ME

LIGHTING CANDLES

SINGING HYMNS

for me

i want to dwarf the average-sized me cowering in the corner

i want to love the traumatised me struggling to leave the house

i want to laugh in the face of every gargoyle morning

i want to spin myself on the spokes of every moment

i want to out-do myself for the sake of my fucked-up life

*

i want him to hold me in his isosceles angle

i want him to hook me on his tortured tangent

i want him to bisect me on the apex of his tongue

i want him to break me on the glassy slopes of Mount Hurtle

i want so much more of him

I WANT TO LIVE

i want to live where i can sense him as a presence not an absence

i want to live where graveyards of me mulch in soggy coffins

i want the line of mutes on my doorstep suddenly breaking their silence

i want to pelt from the steaming sky in a manic hail of bullshit

i want to fly in sharpened blades & harm his gaping target

*

i want orgies of me gripping bulk with strangers

i want polygon beings with pronounced reticulars shagging me on his sofa

i want leather-clad stag beetles wielding knuckle-dusters knee-trembling me up his wall

i want mystical ship-shape elemental extensions riding me rough in his heavens

i want dark matter on darker mattress pinning my hips to his

i want turbulent prisms of bare metal yesterdays percolating mine eyes with his glory

i want to spit in his eye

i want many & every toppling diadem yelling the news on my good foot

i want to get on the bad foot

i want to kick his teeth in

i want to stick him on my pages

i want my right royal wages

i am me & i rages

i want to relapse with him forever & ever & never live sober again

i want MANY MEN

i want bigger tits

i want special bits

i want him who fits

my empty

*

*

eventually a time will come when me is me is mine

*

colour me atomic tangerine

*

i imagined myself & i was phlox saxifrage pompom ranunculus

poppy anemone ornamental onion rattlesnake red ribbon nerine

& i loved the painted tongue

& i wore the rattlesnake

at poppy anemone ceremonies & across myrtle mimosa until morning

i worshipped the ornamental onion

in calla lily seizures

& i bled achillea

& i wished phlox

& i kissed wysteria

my mouth a red wet saxifrage

*

i want to stand where no shadows fall

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Kindle (Amazon US)

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colour him american tan

he imagined himself & he was heliotrope harlequin international klein blue ghost ridden crepuscular groom

& he loved the heliotrope jungle

& he wore the hooker’s green

i want to stand where no living thing creeps

i want to stand where there are so many colours, where light trembles, where night shiver cobwebs cling to trees in the shrink of distance

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU ARE

i want to stand where we slip slightly, thrilling in the stoned river, falling sideways to a ramshackle future, where none are more fuschia than us

i want pyrotechnic planets to plunge

i want blasting moons astral projecting slippery gibberish over the high-rise roofs

i want you muffled in gibberish, all over everywhere, all over me

all over

i want to stand where dead things crawl

SPEAK TO ME, HELL-BLAST 24

I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE

i imagined you & you were heliotrope harlequin international klein blue ghost written crepuscular house with one room

& you bled bad dreams

& you wished old lies

& you kissed cold sweat

& i do, i do

i kiss the shrink of distance

where bad days cling damp to trees

where bad dreams cling to these my arms, these my fingers, these my eyes

where good days rattle in the wreckage

where good dreams float on flame river

where good days rattle unattended in the anti-flash yellow white cupboard

& i bleed bad dreams

& i wish arsenic morning

& i kiss the colour of darker

I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU ARE

& i don’t care why you are – i just want to get in your car, not going very far. i just want to get in your bubble & cause you my kind of trouble

colour me AuroMetalSaurus

& we will meet in Peckham on that rancid street by the bus station & I’ll insist we buy strong lager in multiple packs of four & I’ll walk before you down the risky road & you will observe my lop-sided bum wiggle & I’ll remember you like me best …

(in royal blue vyella

my face is ugly beauty like this world

the ornamental onion is unpeeling

unpeeled – revealed – sloughed off)

… later on we’ll go to Film Nut’s private view. too rarified the atmosphere, too banal the paintings – endless tiny aeroplanes flummoxed with airfix precision in colourfields of flatdead greyblue, & there are videos of Film Nut painting his pointless aeroplanes, to be hung on the walls of office suites and the walls of in-crowd outhouses. colour me drunken blackout. i will march up to him and call him out for the void and the crapness & the last good hoping. when he flinches politely i will see red and kick him in the goolies. when he doubles over i will see yellow & slap him round the chops. i’ll never give him the apology he waits on. back in your seedy room we’ll make memories you’ll hastily regret. you’ll refuse to remember and I will never forget.

I ransacked my bones to find you and I found bones

I walked in circles on the beach and I found stones

I looked out to sea and I saw more sea

I looked inside myself and I saw more me

I go on and on and I’m sea-sick

me and me – we are this thick

I want studded codpiece with piss flaps

I want studded heartpiece with lie flaps

I want studded headpiece with dream flaps

are you a bigger creature?

i come from The World of Thing near The State of This

your face is ugly beauty like this world

FUCK WHO WHY WHAT WHERE WHEN – do it sharpish, slap-happy – make it snappy

unpeel yourself for me you golden ornamental onion

fuck yourself for me

fuck your life

fuck your wife

fuck me

in my world, where you can slip slightly, fall sideways or head first & be a goner

long gone

out the window

13 & a bit

*

WARP

ING

he couldn’t get it in

WARP

wasn’t it

meant to slide in easy

with his groan with my sigh

aren’t we meant to ascend

in pleasure spasm

lifted above ourselves

WARPWARP

we’re still us

grounded

fumbling

buzzing on Dab-it-Off stain remover

in some hijacked bed

BUZZ WARP

wasn’t this lark supposed to exalt us

wasn’t this supposed to be easy

it is difficult

very bodily

get your body off me

get your body out of my vicinity

I can’t get you inside you’re too big too blunt

we’re dry flesh

buzzing WARP WARP warping

I said

it’s not like this in the movies

you told me you were 16

I thought you would know how to do it

I thought you would know what to doo

did he say say say 16

we were only only 13

buzzing on dry cleaning fluids

walking away from the disappointing room

leaving blood on the sheets

but the kisses were good

just get a grip on yourself

*

13 & a bit

*

that blonde in support tights

she knows how to do it

she knows how to let it be done to her

*

13 & a bit

*

arriving at my party

uninvited

alone and ignored

he

syncopated

unabated

in a shadowed corner

*

daylight revealed

a turd

perched

on the Persian carpet

his

massive majestic

solid dark glossy

pragmatic rotund

goodbye

*

13 & a bit

WARP

the legendary shit

*

*

For Ian & Julie & Victor & Kings Cross in the rain & the ducks on Hampstead Heath ponds.

Simon wrote my dissertation

Simon carried my heavy portfolio

Simon prized the lid off my jam jar

Simon would do anything for me

he would eat dog shit if I asked him

he let me treat him like dirt

I let him fuck me with a ladle

he stripped me naked in the kitchen

in front of a full-length mirror

love pig was standing outside

watching us through the window

hidden by the begonias

wanking and moaning my name

Simon was sitting behind me

displaying me to the mirror

fondling my softer than yours skin

losing himself in my reflection

coating me in good cream cheese

plucking my pussy hairs

slowly easing the ladle

in the late night kitchen – lights blazing – off his face on cheap drugs

stirring me with the ladle

we were lapping it up

I only let him fuck me once with his willy

now he wants to do it again

he wants to whisk me to the sea-side

for a never-ending dirty weekend

last night he was bawling his eyes out

said he can never believe a word I say

now he’s performing on my doorstep

he’s gift-wrapped and blowing me kisses

he’s galloping round my front garden

pretending he’s a fire-breathing goat

he’s hammering and spicing his meat

he’s slobbering over her next-door’s feet

he’s covering his dick in tin foil

he’s tying red ribbons in his hairy

he’s poking his dick in my letterbox

he’s spunking all over my hall

I want the one who was watching